Much water under the bridge - Big changes!
Dear family:
A whole lot of water has gone under the bridge, and I mean a lot since I last added to this special family blog.
As some of you know, I have been seeing a lady from Granger, Diana, since around Christmas. We finally decided to take a trip to Hawai’i to see if there was any possibilities for a future together. I had serious doubts before this happened, but when Diana suggested it and that we could split the costs fifty-fifty, I decided it was worth the try. Wrong! It was a near disaster right from the first day. I would have had a far better time with any of my girls. Diana and I are definitely a gross mismatch. The great benefit from that trip is it sorted things out very quickly. She’s fun to be with, but I can see why she was divorced three times after relatively short marriages. The lady is gorgeous, but has some serious relationship problems. I think her heart may be only in her music. As far as I can see, the lady hasn’t a clue what real love is all about. From what she shared with me I seriously doubt she has ever been in love or been seriously loved in her life. It’s really very sad. Like so many really beautiful women, she was probably treated as an arm ornament and ego trip by most of the men in her life. There were many hints about that in things she said. That would tend to make a person quite cynical. And like so many accomplished musicians she seems to be turned inward and into her music. Maybe she poured her entire soul and heart into her music. Rarely has music ever touched my heart or brought on such tears in my entire life as her playing the piano. I told her I would rather listen to her play than make love to her. That was prophetic.
The only other music that has more deeply touched my heart was hearing Barbara sing and especially Patsy Cline numbers. I cried every time she sang those songs and regrettably, I never recorded a single time she sang them. Fortunately, I have several really good recordings of her singing other music including when she sang, “Til There was You” to me during our wedding vows. That lady has made it very difficult for me to find a new lady. She is certainly a tough act to follow. One of my friends said recently, “Howard, you know Barbara has ruined you for any other female.” You know what my answer was? “No, she just taught me to seek and not settle for any but the best.”
A real special lady!
That brings me to Daphne, the other lady who caught my interest among the many I saw and met on the Internet. I met her via email just a few weeks after I met Diana. We spent several days together in March after I decided it was a no-go with Diana and before the Hawai’i trip. We spent five days in her home with her showing me around St. Augustine and both of us learning about each other.
Then, just before Memorial Day I went to St Augustine for another week with her. It started off as a narrow escape from disaster. The very first thing I did when we had a chance to relax and talk was tell her about Diana and Hawai’i. It came very close to ending our relationship on the spot. I said I would go upstairs and pack immediately and leave as soon as I could get a flight. After a few very tense and silent moments she got up from her chair without a word, sat down next to me on the love seat, snuggled up to me and said, “Not now! Let’s wait until tomorrow and see what happens.” We were both silent and emotional as we held each other for quite a long time. It was truly a moment of magic. She finally said she forgave me and wanted to start back where we left off. When I thanked her for forgiving me she said with a slight grin, “You’re not completely off the hook yet!” Things went rapidly uphill from then on.
The next day was confession time. We shared some very intimate happenings from our past both good and bad. She said she told me things she had never told another human. She said she had no idea why she was so compelled to tell me those things. We both agreed to proceed slowly, cautiously and honestly from then on.
Daphne lives in a lovely home in a gated community on the barrier island between the Atlantic and the Intercoastal Waterway just north of St Augustine. She has four daughters and a son as well as an adopted son who has some serious mental problems. He has withdrawn completely from the lives of she and her other children. It’s very sad, but not disruptive. One of her daughters is a college professor, two are in business. The other heads the Department of Control of Non-native Pests for the State of Florida. Like some others I know, they all sound like over-achievers. Sure sounds like my crew. One daughter, the professor, lives in New Jersey. Her son lives in San Diego with his wife. The other three live in and around Gainesville, just a few hours away by car. Even their distribution is so very similar to my bunch. Incidently, Daphne has a doctoral degree. During our very first time together she told me about this with some hesitation as she mentioned it seriously intimidated some men. When I told her I was really turned on by intelligence, independence and strength in women and was not in the least intimidated, she grinned and said something like, “I thought that would be the case.”
The three daughters from nearby came to her home for their annual Memorial Day get together Friday and Saturday. They came with one husband, one close, live-in friend, a seventeen-year-old grandson, a ten-year-old granddaughter and another eight-year-old grandson. It was so much like home for me it was almost startling. Her three girls, their men and their children were so like my gang it was scary. Same kind of patter - same kind of cooperation at meals - same kind of independent actions. I told Daphne how good and at home it made me feel. Her youngest daughter, Judy (her version of Dee Dee) warmed up to me right away. The other two - well, they were quite friendly, but reserved and probably a bit wary of me. After all Daphne is their mother and they are bound to be protective. A little parent/child role reversal. I'm sure some of my girls will be the same way. We really didn’t want to part on Sunday, when I had to head for home. One of her last comments made with a smile was that I was almost completely off the hook, but not quite.
Daphne is indeed a very special lady - classy, intelligent, honorable, well groomed, physically fit and attractive. My only question: What in the devil does she see in me? Don’t answer that! She told me there were three things she had been looking for in a man: ex-military, Roman Catholic and never divorced, but widowed. Until I came along she had stuck with those prerequisites and had several bad experiences. She said none of them had the personality traits she so admired. Then I came along with all the wrong technical credentials, but with personality traits she really liked. She almost crossed me off before we ever started because I wasn’t Catholic. Well, we have realized the religion problem is a non-problem for us both. She decided the non-military may actually be a plus and, after all and in spite of being divorced, I am a widower. Barb saved the day for me.
The only problem I have to deal with is our different financial situations. Since I am self sufficient and she wouldn’t have to support me it is a non-issue as far as she is concerned. She pointed out that should we decide to put our lives together, we could really have the best of two worlds - winters in St Augustine and summers on the lake in Indiana. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Between her family and mine, we could travel and visit whenever we liked. Then I pointed out that, should we marry, she would be able to travel free on Delta just like me. Not too shabby. That realization made me feel much better. Besides, she pointed out, there is always the possibility my writing could take off. (I have three novels partially completed and two other books ready to be published and she is very encouraging.) After those realizations I didn’t feel so bad about the financial difference.
Daphne is now in Honduras with a mission group from her church. She returns Sunday, June 11 after eight days there. Suddenly neither of us likes being apart. I wonder what’s happening? I’ve been invited to her granddaughter’s wedding in Orlando on July 1 and will fly to St Augustine on June 29 and drive to Orlando to the wedding with Daphne July first.
I plan to drive my Mercury with Barb’s power wheel chair, mounted carrier and accessories to Dallas as a gift to my niece, Pam, who is partially paralyzed by a stroke. They have no means of doing what this rig will enable them to do and this will make life much easier for them. As it is, she can only go where Elbert takes her in her regular wheel chair and they would have no way to transport a power chair even if they could afford one. I’ve put more than $10,000 into that rig and probably couldn’t get more than a couple of thousand if I sold it if that much. I will then fly from Dallas to Jacksonville where Daphne will pick me up.
On July third, Daphne and I will fly from Jacksonville to Sacramento where Deb will pick us up. After a few days with Deb, we will head east in the neat little BMW sedan I’m buying from Deb. We plan to go through Jackson Hole Wyoming and the Grand Tetons then head for the Black Hills and Badlands of South Dakota before driving to the lake. Daphne will stay with me at Tippi for a week or more before heading home. Hopefully, my Michigan gang will head down to meet her on the weekend she is here.
The week before Labor day she will be spending a week with friend in the Poconos. We hope to meet in New York and visit Bobby and Bob the week after labor day if possible. We both think that by the end of the summer we should have a pretty good idea of how compatible we are and where we are headed. Thank goodness neither of us is in a hurry. We have the time and luxury of proceeding slowly. We’ve both decided to make no commitments before the year’s end. Maybe we can stick to that.
Honestly, I felt Daphne was a far better and more likely prospect for me right from the beginning, but Diana was so close at thirty miles and I was so nervous about the money. So much for being practical. I am learning to heed red flags and follow my first inclinations. That could have been a very costly, even tragic lesson.
Church doings and a special commitment:
Last week I was asked to take the place of our regular lay delegate at the annual meeting of the Northern Indiana Conference of the Methodist church. I went to this conference, held at Purdue, for six straight years with Barb when she was an active pastor. One of the reasons I elected to go was the memorial service they always held for pastors who have died since the last conference. I sat near the back of the music hall as I was quite sure I would have some teary moments during the service. I was devastated when I saw the list for the memorial and Barb wasn’t on it. Somebody slipped up big time. I was so upset I walked out before communion service and walked back to my room. I was terribly upset and was still hardly over it by the end of the day. I didn’t even attend the dinner that evening.
By the next day I was beginning to feel badly because of how I reacted. Maybe my little guardian angel was working on me. It would be just like her to be pointing out my resentment was not a very Christian thing to do. When a well thought out plan for renovation of Epworth forest facilities was proposed with a 16 million dollar price tag, I made a fateful decision and commitment. I have committed myself to raising one hundred thousand dollars within the three year period until the money is needed for and as a memorial to Barbara. All I want is an acknowledgment plaque with Barbara’s name placed in a prominent place in the new facility. I’ll furnish the plaque. It is something I can do in memory of my dear Barbara, and I will do it. I hope to walk onto the stage at annual conference in two or three years and present a check to the conference. Now I have a definite purpose. All I have to do is figure out just how to do it.
Changes here at home:
It’s Saturday, June 10 and I am well into tackling this place and repairing and restoring four years of increasing neglect. I have made a check list (to which I add things daily) of things to do. I have done a great deal in the yard as that is one of the most neglected parts. I’m replacing Barb’s flower beds with plants and shrubs that do not require the amount of work her flowers did. I will still have some beds of Impatiens, but they do not require much work. Many of her favorite perennials have died and I’m looking for easy-to-maintain replacements. For the first time her peonies bloomed profusely in beautiful maroon. Her french lilac and flowering almond were also so very spectacular this year. Oh how I wish she could have seen them. I’ve weeded part of the gardens, but much more attention is needed. Sadly, her flox, among her favorites, didn’t make it through the winter for the first time since she planted them.
I’ve a whole bunch of RV trailers to get rid of on ebay and a garage full of yard sale items I plan to start moving this next week end. I also hope to rebuild the Viking deck-boat. Add to that all of Barbara’s things I need to find homes for and I have a real challenge. I’ve photographed all of her jewelry and will do the same with the rest of her clothes, furnishings, furniture, knickknacks and memorabilia. It is definitely an awesome undertaking. Wish me luck!
A whole lot of water has gone under the bridge, and I mean a lot since I last added to this special family blog.
As some of you know, I have been seeing a lady from Granger, Diana, since around Christmas. We finally decided to take a trip to Hawai’i to see if there was any possibilities for a future together. I had serious doubts before this happened, but when Diana suggested it and that we could split the costs fifty-fifty, I decided it was worth the try. Wrong! It was a near disaster right from the first day. I would have had a far better time with any of my girls. Diana and I are definitely a gross mismatch. The great benefit from that trip is it sorted things out very quickly. She’s fun to be with, but I can see why she was divorced three times after relatively short marriages. The lady is gorgeous, but has some serious relationship problems. I think her heart may be only in her music. As far as I can see, the lady hasn’t a clue what real love is all about. From what she shared with me I seriously doubt she has ever been in love or been seriously loved in her life. It’s really very sad. Like so many really beautiful women, she was probably treated as an arm ornament and ego trip by most of the men in her life. There were many hints about that in things she said. That would tend to make a person quite cynical. And like so many accomplished musicians she seems to be turned inward and into her music. Maybe she poured her entire soul and heart into her music. Rarely has music ever touched my heart or brought on such tears in my entire life as her playing the piano. I told her I would rather listen to her play than make love to her. That was prophetic.
The only other music that has more deeply touched my heart was hearing Barbara sing and especially Patsy Cline numbers. I cried every time she sang those songs and regrettably, I never recorded a single time she sang them. Fortunately, I have several really good recordings of her singing other music including when she sang, “Til There was You” to me during our wedding vows. That lady has made it very difficult for me to find a new lady. She is certainly a tough act to follow. One of my friends said recently, “Howard, you know Barbara has ruined you for any other female.” You know what my answer was? “No, she just taught me to seek and not settle for any but the best.”
A real special lady!
That brings me to Daphne, the other lady who caught my interest among the many I saw and met on the Internet. I met her via email just a few weeks after I met Diana. We spent several days together in March after I decided it was a no-go with Diana and before the Hawai’i trip. We spent five days in her home with her showing me around St. Augustine and both of us learning about each other.
Then, just before Memorial Day I went to St Augustine for another week with her. It started off as a narrow escape from disaster. The very first thing I did when we had a chance to relax and talk was tell her about Diana and Hawai’i. It came very close to ending our relationship on the spot. I said I would go upstairs and pack immediately and leave as soon as I could get a flight. After a few very tense and silent moments she got up from her chair without a word, sat down next to me on the love seat, snuggled up to me and said, “Not now! Let’s wait until tomorrow and see what happens.” We were both silent and emotional as we held each other for quite a long time. It was truly a moment of magic. She finally said she forgave me and wanted to start back where we left off. When I thanked her for forgiving me she said with a slight grin, “You’re not completely off the hook yet!” Things went rapidly uphill from then on.
The next day was confession time. We shared some very intimate happenings from our past both good and bad. She said she told me things she had never told another human. She said she had no idea why she was so compelled to tell me those things. We both agreed to proceed slowly, cautiously and honestly from then on.
Daphne lives in a lovely home in a gated community on the barrier island between the Atlantic and the Intercoastal Waterway just north of St Augustine. She has four daughters and a son as well as an adopted son who has some serious mental problems. He has withdrawn completely from the lives of she and her other children. It’s very sad, but not disruptive. One of her daughters is a college professor, two are in business. The other heads the Department of Control of Non-native Pests for the State of Florida. Like some others I know, they all sound like over-achievers. Sure sounds like my crew. One daughter, the professor, lives in New Jersey. Her son lives in San Diego with his wife. The other three live in and around Gainesville, just a few hours away by car. Even their distribution is so very similar to my bunch. Incidently, Daphne has a doctoral degree. During our very first time together she told me about this with some hesitation as she mentioned it seriously intimidated some men. When I told her I was really turned on by intelligence, independence and strength in women and was not in the least intimidated, she grinned and said something like, “I thought that would be the case.”
The three daughters from nearby came to her home for their annual Memorial Day get together Friday and Saturday. They came with one husband, one close, live-in friend, a seventeen-year-old grandson, a ten-year-old granddaughter and another eight-year-old grandson. It was so much like home for me it was almost startling. Her three girls, their men and their children were so like my gang it was scary. Same kind of patter - same kind of cooperation at meals - same kind of independent actions. I told Daphne how good and at home it made me feel. Her youngest daughter, Judy (her version of Dee Dee) warmed up to me right away. The other two - well, they were quite friendly, but reserved and probably a bit wary of me. After all Daphne is their mother and they are bound to be protective. A little parent/child role reversal. I'm sure some of my girls will be the same way. We really didn’t want to part on Sunday, when I had to head for home. One of her last comments made with a smile was that I was almost completely off the hook, but not quite.
Daphne is indeed a very special lady - classy, intelligent, honorable, well groomed, physically fit and attractive. My only question: What in the devil does she see in me? Don’t answer that! She told me there were three things she had been looking for in a man: ex-military, Roman Catholic and never divorced, but widowed. Until I came along she had stuck with those prerequisites and had several bad experiences. She said none of them had the personality traits she so admired. Then I came along with all the wrong technical credentials, but with personality traits she really liked. She almost crossed me off before we ever started because I wasn’t Catholic. Well, we have realized the religion problem is a non-problem for us both. She decided the non-military may actually be a plus and, after all and in spite of being divorced, I am a widower. Barb saved the day for me.
The only problem I have to deal with is our different financial situations. Since I am self sufficient and she wouldn’t have to support me it is a non-issue as far as she is concerned. She pointed out that should we decide to put our lives together, we could really have the best of two worlds - winters in St Augustine and summers on the lake in Indiana. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Between her family and mine, we could travel and visit whenever we liked. Then I pointed out that, should we marry, she would be able to travel free on Delta just like me. Not too shabby. That realization made me feel much better. Besides, she pointed out, there is always the possibility my writing could take off. (I have three novels partially completed and two other books ready to be published and she is very encouraging.) After those realizations I didn’t feel so bad about the financial difference.
Daphne is now in Honduras with a mission group from her church. She returns Sunday, June 11 after eight days there. Suddenly neither of us likes being apart. I wonder what’s happening? I’ve been invited to her granddaughter’s wedding in Orlando on July 1 and will fly to St Augustine on June 29 and drive to Orlando to the wedding with Daphne July first.
I plan to drive my Mercury with Barb’s power wheel chair, mounted carrier and accessories to Dallas as a gift to my niece, Pam, who is partially paralyzed by a stroke. They have no means of doing what this rig will enable them to do and this will make life much easier for them. As it is, she can only go where Elbert takes her in her regular wheel chair and they would have no way to transport a power chair even if they could afford one. I’ve put more than $10,000 into that rig and probably couldn’t get more than a couple of thousand if I sold it if that much. I will then fly from Dallas to Jacksonville where Daphne will pick me up.
On July third, Daphne and I will fly from Jacksonville to Sacramento where Deb will pick us up. After a few days with Deb, we will head east in the neat little BMW sedan I’m buying from Deb. We plan to go through Jackson Hole Wyoming and the Grand Tetons then head for the Black Hills and Badlands of South Dakota before driving to the lake. Daphne will stay with me at Tippi for a week or more before heading home. Hopefully, my Michigan gang will head down to meet her on the weekend she is here.
The week before Labor day she will be spending a week with friend in the Poconos. We hope to meet in New York and visit Bobby and Bob the week after labor day if possible. We both think that by the end of the summer we should have a pretty good idea of how compatible we are and where we are headed. Thank goodness neither of us is in a hurry. We have the time and luxury of proceeding slowly. We’ve both decided to make no commitments before the year’s end. Maybe we can stick to that.
Honestly, I felt Daphne was a far better and more likely prospect for me right from the beginning, but Diana was so close at thirty miles and I was so nervous about the money. So much for being practical. I am learning to heed red flags and follow my first inclinations. That could have been a very costly, even tragic lesson.
Church doings and a special commitment:
Last week I was asked to take the place of our regular lay delegate at the annual meeting of the Northern Indiana Conference of the Methodist church. I went to this conference, held at Purdue, for six straight years with Barb when she was an active pastor. One of the reasons I elected to go was the memorial service they always held for pastors who have died since the last conference. I sat near the back of the music hall as I was quite sure I would have some teary moments during the service. I was devastated when I saw the list for the memorial and Barb wasn’t on it. Somebody slipped up big time. I was so upset I walked out before communion service and walked back to my room. I was terribly upset and was still hardly over it by the end of the day. I didn’t even attend the dinner that evening.
By the next day I was beginning to feel badly because of how I reacted. Maybe my little guardian angel was working on me. It would be just like her to be pointing out my resentment was not a very Christian thing to do. When a well thought out plan for renovation of Epworth forest facilities was proposed with a 16 million dollar price tag, I made a fateful decision and commitment. I have committed myself to raising one hundred thousand dollars within the three year period until the money is needed for and as a memorial to Barbara. All I want is an acknowledgment plaque with Barbara’s name placed in a prominent place in the new facility. I’ll furnish the plaque. It is something I can do in memory of my dear Barbara, and I will do it. I hope to walk onto the stage at annual conference in two or three years and present a check to the conference. Now I have a definite purpose. All I have to do is figure out just how to do it.
Changes here at home:
It’s Saturday, June 10 and I am well into tackling this place and repairing and restoring four years of increasing neglect. I have made a check list (to which I add things daily) of things to do. I have done a great deal in the yard as that is one of the most neglected parts. I’m replacing Barb’s flower beds with plants and shrubs that do not require the amount of work her flowers did. I will still have some beds of Impatiens, but they do not require much work. Many of her favorite perennials have died and I’m looking for easy-to-maintain replacements. For the first time her peonies bloomed profusely in beautiful maroon. Her french lilac and flowering almond were also so very spectacular this year. Oh how I wish she could have seen them. I’ve weeded part of the gardens, but much more attention is needed. Sadly, her flox, among her favorites, didn’t make it through the winter for the first time since she planted them.
I’ve a whole bunch of RV trailers to get rid of on ebay and a garage full of yard sale items I plan to start moving this next week end. I also hope to rebuild the Viking deck-boat. Add to that all of Barbara’s things I need to find homes for and I have a real challenge. I’ve photographed all of her jewelry and will do the same with the rest of her clothes, furnishings, furniture, knickknacks and memorabilia. It is definitely an awesome undertaking. Wish me luck!
posted by HoJo | 1:15 PM
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